In the mood for some yuks? Good. We can thank Steve Whelan, a member of the ACSH board of trustees, and the widower of our founder, the late Dr. Elizabeth Whelan.
Today's yuks come to us courtesy of an ad that Steve sent me from the magazine Golf Game Tips. The ad was placed by the nut logs at Alternative Daily. So, I checked them out.
The Alternative Daily seeks to inform, encourage and empower readers to make healthy choices that will positively impact individuals, families and our planet.
Sounds good, right? After all, what's wrong with making healthy choices for ourselves, our families, and the planet? Perhaps I'm being unfair to Alternative Daily?
No.
The problem is that the articles in the August edition of Alternative Daily (AD) are so crazy that it gives one the fleeting illusion that other alternative medicine whack jobs Mike Adams and Joe "Crazy Joe" Mercola, both frequent ACSH targets, are qualified to be chief residents at the Mayo Clinic. Betcha think that's impossible. Hold that thought for a bit.
The irony of anti-aluminism and other metallurgical atrocities
The term "tin foil hats" is now well ensconced in our vernacular to describe a wide variety of screwballs, often those who believe in the dumbest conspiracies, for example, jet chemtrails, a faked moon landing, or a space laser that started California's wildfires. But it's historically and chemically incorrect. There used to be a product that was actually a foil made from tin, (1) but that ended 80 years ago when aluminum was found to be superior for wrapping food.
Which brings us to the ad in the golf magazine. What is their advice? Ironically, aluminum is one item.
1.
I don't want to get into the argument about aluminum causing Alzheimer's; this nutty idea has been thoroughly debunked. But Alternative Daily disagrees. In fact, they offer unambiguous proof of the theory that aluminum does cause Alzheimer's! [Emphasis mine]
This theory was unequivocally proven when a 2014 study showed that a 66-year-old man who died with Alzheimer’s disease had significantly elevated aluminum content in his brain, following eight years of occupational exposure.
Liivi Hess in Alternative Daily, August 2022
Unequivocally proof from a single case study. Cool! Let me add a few of my own:
- I ate a waffle yesterday and did not get run over by a bulldozer. Therefore waffles protect against bulldozer accidents.
In a similar vein...
- No one who has licked the upper roadway of the George Washington Bridge has ever died in orbit, therefore...
- No albino yoga instructor from Toledo has ever been decapitated by a flying zucchini...
Enough about aluminum
While the aluminum article is simply nonsense, the other articles in the same issue seem to come from Mad Magazine.
2. Women: Do These 6 Things After Sex
This just looks like a bad idea, right? Sort of makes you question their other advice.
Image: Alternative Daily
In the interest of accuracy, I should note that taking a hair drier to your whatchamacallit is not one of 6 post-coital recommended action plans (please explain the photo) but cuddling is. Try convincing a male of this.
Post-coital cuddling does not appeal to Marvin. Image: Public Domain Vectors
3. 7 Ways To Treat Anal Fissures Naturally
Next, we have something that makes for splendid mealtime conversation, especially if you're invited to dinner at, say, Buckingham Palace or the opening of a Madison Avenue art gallery.
I'll spare you 6 of seven of the 7 ways to treat your anal fissures naturally. One of them, a mixture of honey, olive oil, and beeswax, was actually in a published study and might even be useful. However, it consisted of a grand total of 5 anal fissure sufferers. Although there were no reported side effects, it may be advisable to watch where you sit. For example, anthills should probably be avoided.
Image credits: Wikimedia Commons, Vector Portal, Flickr
4. What Your Farts Are Trying To Tell You
Alternative Daily tells us that your farts contain information about what you have and have not eaten – lactose, gluten, insufficient fiber, etc. But their outdated technology ("riff and sniff") does not distinguish between different fart types – a potentially serious information gap.
Fortunately, ACSH is full-on high-tech, and we have access to the requisite technology – The FARTOMATIC-5000® FLATUS ANALYZER – available to us. You'd be amazed at what our farts are really telling us. Below is a schematic diagram of the process.
The Fartomatic 5000® Flatus Analyzer. A must-have for any serious research organization. EWG can afford one, but no one there could figure out how to plug it in. Image credits: Flickr, Freesvg
Bottom line
If you take medical advice from a bunch of crazies advertising in a golf magazine, don't be surprised if your putter falls off.
NOTE:
(1) Conversely, tin cans are mainly steel, containing only about 1-2% tin. Another misnomer.
Josh Bloom
Director of Chemical and Pharmaceutical Science
Dr. Josh Bloom, the Director of Chemical and Pharmaceutical Science, comes from the world of drug discovery, where he did research for more than 20 years. He holds a Ph.D. in chemistry.
