When I posed an urgent medical question on Science 2.0 earlier this year, my expectations were very low: 1) Simply make an idiot out of myself, or 2) Make an idiot of myself, but at least give people a few yuks while doing so. However, dismissing "Old Man Balls: Fact or Fiction?" would turn out to be premature.
Who could have possibly known that only months later, a seminal moment that would provide an answer: Yes, OMBs are real. And there is a solution, at least for those of us who are deranged enough to try to do something that would seem to be rather unpleasant.
Jason Emer, M.D, a surgeon in Beverly Hills (as if it could be anywhere else?) has noted a rising demand for cosmetic penile procedures. OK, if the damn thing looks like a gummy worm, fine, do something, but the variety of procedures that men are willing to undergo just to beef up the appearance of Lord Hardwicke a little bit is truly hair-raising.
These include fat injections, laser hair removal, shock treatment (don't know what that is, but it is unlikely to be pleasant). Scrotal hair removal by laser would seem to be a pretty sure bet to be on a man's "Things I am not going to do in this lifetime" list, but this turns out to be false. It is quite popular. And, once you know the following, how could it not be?
Dr. Emer reports that "The skin was less wrinkly, it was smoother, and some even reported it wasn’t as veiny.” Talk about vain. So, it is safe to say that penile enhancement procedures have always aroused considerable interest, and that this trend is likely to be lengthy; it will have real staying power.
But of all the procedures that stick out, perhaps none can elicit as much of a response as the new kid on the block—Botox injections into the scrotum for the sole purpose of whipping gravity. Yep- if you want help with your dangling participles, fear not—you are no longer in a pickle.
Dr. Emer is evaluating the use of Botox injections to the genitals, which he claims "decreases sweating, improves wrinkling and may, in some cases make the scrotum appear larger by relaxing the muscles in the area." He says that this can be a real pleasure to athletes, especially marathon runners "who get inner thigh rubbing and irritation from sweat."
As splendid as that sounds, this remains a deeply personal choice, since few of us have much interest in the diameter of our orbs, and are perfectly content with using baby powder on those bad boys. But, if this is your bag, I would urge you to go for it. And I wish you and Dr. Emer well. So much so that I have designed his first ad—no strings attached. And this operation does seems legit. It's no seedy operations, so you won't have to worry about getting shafted.
Have a ball, guys.
Josh Bloom
Director of Chemical and Pharmaceutical Science
Dr. Josh Bloom, the Director of Chemical and Pharmaceutical Science, comes from the world of drug discovery, where he did research for more than 20 years. He holds a Ph.D. in chemistry.
