Penile Fractures: A Christmas Carol

By Josh Bloom — Dec 20, 2023
Why do penile fractures occur more often around holiday time? Beats me. Get ready to sing.
Free image: Marco Verch, CCNull

Here is a new (and typically idiotic) edition of The J-Man Chronicles. Enjoy

Don't blame me. Two people (one of them is on our staff - heh heh) sent this to me. Independently. It's probably just a coincidence.

But it's true. A new study entitled "Penile Fractures: The Price of a Merry Christmas," which was published in the must-read British Journal of Urology International, concluded:

The incidence of penile fractures displays a seasonality. Last Christmas penile fractures occurred more often.

Pyrgidis, et. al., BJUI (2023)  https://doi.org/10.1111/bju.16216

What to do?

Rather than analyze the study – how it was done, why it was done, etc. it was absolutely screaming to be turned into a Christmas carol. Enjoy.

 

Guard your wiener in the winter.

Fa la la la la – la la la la

If you don’t, you’ll need a splint, sir

Fa la la la la – la la la la

Treat it gently when you shake it

Fa la la - fa la la -  la la la

Tis the season when you’ll break it

Faa la la la la – la la la la

 

If you want a joyous season.

Fa la la la la – la la la la

Treat that thing with care and reason

Fa la la la la – la la la la

If you don’t, then be aware

Fa la la - fa la la -  la la la

You'll have empty underwear

Faa la la la la – la la la la

 

If you’re reckless when you “tango.”

Fa la la la la – la la la la

It will swell up like a mango

Fa la la la la – la la la la

Then, forget the Christmas tree

Fa la la - fa la la -  la la la

You’ll be having surgery

Faa la la la la – la -la -la -laaaaa

 

Happy holidays to you men. Be careful. You don't want surgery over the holidays. Bad time of year to make a boner.

Josh Bloom

Director of Chemical and Pharmaceutical Science

Dr. Josh Bloom, the Director of Chemical and Pharmaceutical Science, comes from the world of drug discovery, where he did research for more than 20 years. He holds a Ph.D. in chemistry.

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