The J-Man Chronicles

Where to start here? The possibilities are endless. There is some real (and strange) medicine in this article as well as a treasure trove of chances to allow me to express my dominant juvenile humor allele. Let's start there.
Disclaimer: Some most all of you may probably will will find some most all of this article potentially vulgar. Don't blame me. Yuks matter. 
Here is a new (and typically idiotic) edition of The J-Man Chronicles. Enjoy
Welcome to another installment of the J-Man Chronicles, an unwanted occasional feature – hatched by a fruitless attempt to be clever – during which time you will:
While on a laser-guided mission to stuff my fat face full of ice cream taking a stroll last night, I was one of several victims passersby who were stopped by two women asking whether I would help "resolve a family
You may have seen a news item a while back when the FDA approved a rather novel new (and seriously weird)  therapy for constipation. It's called Vibrant and it's a pill with no drug. Why? Cause it doesn't need one.
                    1. The Demise of Diet Soda