Should you be laboring under the delusion that we are experiencing a moron shortage in this country fear not. July 4th may not create any new morons, but it sure brings plenty of them out of hibernation. Here are three examples of people doing the most incredibly stupid things. The expression "everything is funny when it's happening to someone else" could not be truer than what you're about to see. Prepare yourself.
1. Moron builds a bomb using his face as a blast shield. Video: GodTube (I kid you not)
When I watched this one I peed my seat. Or someone else did.
Is it me or does this guy look stupid? If there's any doubt check this summary of the above video.
No turning back now...
How did he fare? Not so well. The following happens next, frame by frame.
(Left) The frame where the moron first becomes visible again. Note the condition of the aluminum foil (yellow arrow), which was used to wrap the explosive material. (Right) When I did a screenshot to get the image on the left this thing (right) popped up. I don't know what to say.
Finally, one of life's great understatements:
A little too much magnesium. Nothing gets by this guy! And note the difference in the hairdo before and after.
2. Did this idiot consider dropping the Roman Candle? Video: YouTube
3. What better place to light off a firecracker than a crowded van? Video: YouTube
The imbeciles in the first two videos don't come across as all that bright. But they are Mensa members compared to these three. There is precisely one possible outcome for this experiment - bad. Yet, they persevere nonetheless.
Let's see what happens when you light two ginormous firecrackers in a crowded van.
On the left, it would appear that the group is following suboptimal safety protocol. But they finally come to their senses and then all is well.
Not really.
So, I gotta hit the road. Don't want to miss the fireworks. Traffic's going to be a bitch on the Long Island Expressway (1). Have fun and be safe. I hear there are going to be moron checkpoints in New York. There better be a whole lot of cops on duty.
NOTE:
(1) I don't know why this wretched road is called an "expressway." It is impossible to look at the speed limit signs and not laugh. I am routinely passed by box turtles.
Josh Bloom
Director of Chemical and Pharmaceutical Science
Dr. Josh Bloom, the Director of Chemical and Pharmaceutical Science, comes from the world of drug discovery, where he did research for more than 20 years. He holds a Ph.D. in chemistry.
